The Great Pretender

Only 47 more days until adulthood. It's looming over me like some huge storm cloud in the distance. June 7th I turn 20, officially ending my "teen" years, and I must say I'm not too happy about this. I never thought I'd actually be TWENTY years old. Just like I don't think I'll ever actually be 30, or 50 or anything else than a kid. Until now I've simply pushed the thought out of my head, pretended it would never come. Time would not catch up to me. Last year I was mad about turning 19 because lets face it, 18 IS the perfect age. Your old enough to do adult things, yet young enough to get away with being a stupid, irresponsible kid. By the time 30 rolls around I will want my birthday to go unnoticed COMPLETELY. But I feel that one thing from my childhood will never change, however old I may be, and that is that I will still pretend. When I was a kid I would pretend to be an adult. When I turned 16 I pretended to be 18. At 18 I pretended to be 16. And now, with 47 days until I turn 20, I am pretending that storm cloud will simply blow away, and cease to rain on my charade.

Celebrating 20 years of life this summer :]

Alright so I usually never just "post" a thought that isn't part of some poem or essay but I figured, hey, I'm bored to tears at work and I have some things I'd like to just merely say, without the worries of rhyme and delicacy.
   So this summer is going to be INSANE. I'll be working two jobs like I am now, taking just one class (thank goodness) and going on vacations!!!  I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I will be going, on my BIRTHDAY to Bonnaroo, the 4 day music fest in TENNESSEE (My favorite place in the whole wide world :]) with all my closest friends. This is going to be an 8 day adventure, and I MEAN adventure in the foothills of the deep south. I plan on going swimming in a river and dancing to some bluegrass with no shoes on, and we will come back on my besties BIRTHDAY. So pictures and poetry will be coming up soon after this crazy awesome trip that has been conveniently sandwiched between two birthdays.. One month after I get back me and the family are heading to San Antonio for a weekend family get away at a resort and the last one we went on last summer was an experience to remember so I'm really excited to get to spend some good quality time with the ones I love the most. THEN, the day after I get back from that, my best friend is getting married!! OMG she's tyeing the knot. I'm super happy for her and her awesome fiance Tim. They are the best. But damn, life goes by way too fast, I suppose there is a small part of me thats sad...but don't worry it's very very small. Then Tiffany my other good friend is getting married, then my best friend from NM, then my friend Melissa. And I don't even have a shadow of a significant other lol!! Its awesome.
   And there's my summer schedule... can't wait to embark already!!!!

Put a sea shell to your ear

I've died trying to ride a wave far too steep,
But nobody really cares to see these waters run deep.
So goodnight sea of faces, I'm turning out the lights.
I'm closing my eyes and relinquishing this fight
Want to find out how it feels to be quenched of breath?
Ask a woman caught in the blue cascade of death.

His name was Ryan

Came outside and saw him there
With dark brown skin and dark brown hair.

Strumming on his guitar he smiled at me
So I shook his hand and took a seat.

Early in the morning the sky was gray
But we found the sunshine in the middle of the day.

With a few kind words and a genuine smile,
"That mans got soul," I thought. "And a teaspoon of style!"

Then the music moved from his strings to his heart
And I knew without a doubt a jive would start.

So I flowed with his beat and let it in my heart too,
Then out came the words of a song I already knew.

He was buying the stairway to Heaven I could see it in his eyes
And when he stopped playing he told me to cut all my ties.

But the time was running out and with a reluctant stare,
I said "you should stop trying to buy that stairway, your already there."

Then I got into my car and left him in the sun
And wished that all my advances in society would just
Come UNDONE. 

Imagine

Close your eyes.
Pretend your not sitting
Slumped over, eyes glazed and slightly hazed.
Pretend your not doing things you never
Wanted to do.
Stop taking those notes.
Stop listening to her ramble lifelessly.
Tune into yourself...

Ne te quaesiveris extra

Imagine a world...
Where one never does what one does not want to do.
Where every moment lives up to exactly what it's meant to be;
A world where we never leave the Garden.
A world that bows with ecstasy and rejoices in life
And that, in the afterglow of love, never once gives a reason to depart.
Drift to that place, when you can.. when you need to.
You know you've only got a while though
And now you must leave.

Now lust and anger and loss will slip themselves
Into that world, through cracks you'll never see
And you will open your eyes
Not to pillows of lavender but to
Reality.
And you will forget that place until something or someone
Gives you a reason to visit again.

But don't fret over this.
The world you have imagined will remain
That way, still framed and timeless.
And what is real will be felt and not thought
And when you one day go back to that perfection,
And warm thoughts overcome you
You will be awed.
Not because it is beautiful,
But because of all the times you spent in the cold.

I've Got a Feeling

Feeling a little disconnected with God
Feeling a little too connected with the clock.
Feeling Your presence tonight helped me forget
Feeling alone.

Feeling around in the dark until I find myself
Feeling something real.
Feeling the distance between the two is like the
Feeling of waking up afraid.

Feeling like I've got a
Feeling that there's something out there beyond
Feeling empty inside.
Feeling compelled to tell the truth while
Feeling the weight of a lie, makes it hard to feel  much of anything, yet
Feeling my way around the dark is the only way to recognize the
Feeling of Your light.

new art stuff

Taste of Love

It's midnight and the air is ours to share
You look at me,
I talk to you,
Tonight we are young,
Tonight we are free,
Tonight we can be anyone we want to be
There is a God i know.
He picked me a taste of beauty from life's peach tree,
I relish the colors of your eyes and softness of your kiss

This is gonna linger through the season
On the quick of my tongue and the back of my lips.

Hamster on a wheel

  Isn't it funny, that the human mind is never silent? It roams and skips across sea's, through tiny corridors of reality and imagination without stopping to rest; registering what our eyes perceive, analyzing the information, then using a system of output to create. When we lay down to sleep, our minds even then, are running wild. Dreams are the product of the adventure it embarks during its nightly crusade, and sometimes when God so chooses, they teach us something.

Visitor in the sheets

God, I hope I'm okay.
Because I'm wincing in my sheets right now
Wondering why
It's so cold and how
Loneliness crept its way into
The bed with me and if when
I fall asleep tonight the dream scape
Will reveal all the times I tried
To keep it out.