The Meaning Of My Life:

• Good friends
• Family
• A smell that takes me back
• The light of campfire embers
• That special feeling
• That one night
• The view from the top
• Getting lost
• Getting found

The Meadow

I went to a meadow once
And within it found a fallen tree.
I went to a meadow once
And within it found a fallen me.

Reach

the far reaches are reaching back for you.

The moonlit path

When you walk that moonlit path
Will you retreat from the dark?
Or never come back?

More like a woman, less like a child

It was one of those mornings.
The kind that catches you off guard.
The kind that makes you realize that no other morning will ever be the same
After this one.

Because
It was one of those mornings
That you gawked in disbelief at the face in the mirror.
And then realized it was your own.

You are a woman now.

Imagine

Close your eyes.
Pretend your not sitting
Slumped over, eyes glazed and slightly hazed.
Pretend your not doing things you never
Wanted to do.
Stop taking those notes.
Stop listening to her ramble lifelessly.
Tune into yourself...

Ne te quaesiveris extra

Imagine a world...
Where one never does what one does not want to do.
Where every moment lives up to exactly what it's meant to be;
A world where we never leave the Garden.
A world that bows with ecstasy and rejoices in life
And that, in the afterglow of love, never once gives a reason to depart.
Drift to that place, when you can.. when you need to.
You know you've only got a while though
And now you must leave.

Now lust and anger and loss will slip themselves
Into that world, through cracks you'll never see
And you will open your eyes
Not to pillows of lavender but to
Reality.
And you will forget that place until something or someone
Gives you a reason to visit again.

But don't fret over this.
The world you have imagined will remain
That way, still framed and timeless.
And what is real will be felt and not thought
And when you one day go back to that perfection,
And warm thoughts overcome you
You will be awed.
Not because it is beautiful,
But because of all the times you spent in the cold.

Hamster on a wheel

  Isn't it funny, that the human mind is never silent? It roams and skips across sea's, through tiny corridors of reality and imagination without stopping to rest; registering what our eyes perceive, analyzing the information, then using a system of output to create. When we lay down to sleep, our minds even then, are running wild. Dreams are the product of the adventure it embarks during its nightly crusade, and sometimes when God so chooses, they teach us something.

Amidst the Creator: 2

As I exhaled I said sorry
To Him.
My lashes flutter once
Before they close.
Uncertain but
At peace.

After ten minutes,
I opened those lashes like
One might draw back the
Curtain for one last look
at something they lost.

"What are they?"
"This is Me."
And for twenty minutes,
The Heavens were all that I could see.

F -eeling

R-ather

E- xcited

E-verytime

D-iscoveries

O-pen

M-y

S-oul

Divine progression of the human soul (old skool style)

Thine hands grasp all things divine
Filling empty faculties in the mind
No more do finite physics prevail,
Thine stagnant soul, now ship asail.

Auroral pleasures intertwine
Folds of the earth, patterns find
Eternity birthed, ignorance behind!

Men hath denied Higher Law
Dost thine Being wane upon Spirits call?
In all progressions of delight
Fullsome art thee with inward sight.

- I really enjoy  that early 19th century prose, I think it's beautiful and should be used in poetry more often, which is why I chose to write in this style. It portrays answering your calling, unity within, and of course your souls progression, meaning, inner growth and revelation. I found my calling and inner unity through nature ("folds of the earth") and the patterns that exist within nature and ourselves. I have concluded that the end of this world is the beginning of the next, ("eternity birthed, ignorance behind") and that one is able to see so much more when they connect with the "Higher Law" or... God. Alas, there is so very much to this poem I have left unexplained, as I would like the readers to decipher for themselves the meanings pertinent to them as individuals.

Foundations

A few months ago I was informed by my mother of a mission trip that my family was planning to Tennessee, and a few months ago I was unaware of the wonders I have come to know so well since my arrival. This story, like any other is filled with a sense of inspiration and childlike happiness, a struggle and then an acceptance of the ending reward...but if you are reading my letters, know that this particular story is in fact not a story at all, and it is quite possibly the most moving. It is the real accountance of the two most beautiful and perhaps most important fibers in the human soul; meliority and christianity. Right now you may be asking 'what exactly is the meaning of meliority and where did it come from?' Meliority is stemmed from the Latin word [melior] which is understood in English as "better". Meliorism is the most unselfish belief that I have come across, aside from the belief in God, and what is more interesting is how I found it. It is "the belief that the world can be made better by human effort," and it is that fine doctrine that holds the utmost amount of faith in the human race, even when the world is cruel. The heart and soul of optimism and love are dependent upon it and faith in God, and these two notions are more real than the keys beneath my finger tips.
      Through the course of my 18 years on this earth, I have seen through the eyes of others what a wonderful place the world can be if God is only accepted into our hearts. I have watched on tv peoples lives succome to the great and almighty God just by the touch of their pastors hand on their persperating forehead. I have heard their stories, and watched their eyes drip like faucets onto empty floors because they have finally found whatever it is that makes them whole. Yet I never really understood. To me, these people weren't real, they were figments of some far away place that didn't exist outside my sphere of reality... maybe it was because I couldn't connect their new found wholeness to my broken pieces, my hollowed heart. I thought they were just pretending, and who knows maybe some were, but little did I know I would come to learn that it was I who had been pretending all along.
     We arrived in Tennessee on a Sunday and the humidity nearly knocked me off my feet a few steps outside the airport; I, living most of my life in west Texas was used to the dry, windy climate. Nonetheless, me, my family, and the rest of the Betenbough housing crew packed like sardines into a small white bus and drove to Williamsport, which is conveniently located about an hour outside of Nashville and headed to Narrow Gate Foundation. This particular stretch of land truly is a little piece of heaven carved into the foot hills of Tennessee; it is a glass of water in the dessert to which I can now happily say I have had the priviledge of drinking from. A few days after our arrival myself, my little brother and a few of the Narrow Gate members went on a hike to the 'High Point', a spectacle of a hill which overlooks the entire property just so I could really take in the beauty of the land, but as it turns out... as many things in life turn out... what I found was much more than just a beautiful view. I found on top of that hill, as so many young men at Narrow Gate do, a compassion and a respect for God like I have never known before. As Ken, Frank, Clayton, John Rae and myself shared our life stories, each more compelling than the last, a spark was lighted within me, and as seconds go by writing this letter, it grows bigger and brighter than the moment before. We were strangers walking up the hill, but I can say that without a doubt we were friends coming down. I have never in my life been so moved by the emotion's of others, but what I could see when I looked into their eyes, as if I peered through a window into thier souls, was love. A true, and pure, and personal, and passionate love for God. I left wishing that somehow I too could see this warm, radiating passion for the greater force in my own eyes. There was my first sip of living water, and to my surprise, I was thirstier than ever.
      Tuesday night, after the 'High Point' I lay in bed and continued to ask, when would I get what these four young men had? When would I get another taste of God? Then Wednesday came, and with it, a revelation.
      At around 11:00 p.m. I was walked into the countryside by a now good friend and vessel of the Lord named Adam, to which I am extremely thankful, and at 12:00 p.m. I came back alive. To be completely honest, it was like I was on drugs... you know, the kind that make you feel invincible and happy and energetic and free. And that is the best feeling in the world, the feeling of total and complete liberation, the knowing that the world is in reach, the beauty and awe that brings one to tears. It is wonderful, lasting and real. The best part is that it is real. A mere breeze had caressed my skin and I knew he was with me, and I think that he knew I wanted him to be. Under the stars and amidst the hundreds of fireflies, I felt the hand of God, and I am thinking now how badly, I cannot wait to touch it again.
     This trip was a mission, I was suppose to be just a helping hand that cleaned up some gardens and made the place a little prettier, yet I  leave living and renewed. I was suppose to change the "Narrow gators" lives, and now I am certain, that they have changed mine. I have watched through my own eyes how people like Bill and Stacy Spencer ( the founders of Narrow Gate) have made this world a better place to be in, how people like Ken, Frank, John Rae, Clayton, and Adam have been changed by faith and are reaching out to do the same for those around them. God has changed the outcome of so many lives through those people and words cannot begin to explain how grateful I, and so many others are, that they have chosen His path. In short, these people have made me realize that mankind is a wonderful, brilliant, and life changing species when coupled with God. At Narrow Gate, with the help of many, I started the life long journey of self discovery; I found that I am a meliorist, and a christian; I have faith in mankind and more importantly in God...and those two things are a wonderful foundation to any structure.

Time to Recognize

,There are systems in place for essentially every single living thing that graces the earth. For every leaf there is an intricate highway of vessels, each one pumping life to and fro, birthing and dying all at once, organized and objectively. And inside every vessel, are more intricate processes, doing the same thing on a smaller scale. For every vessel there are cells, each one flowing along in perfect harmony, providing means for life and caring not that their work is a part of a much bigger, grander, beautiful picture. The same truth is relevant even so for the contents that lie inside each cell, of every vessel, of every leaf. The nucleus, the ribosomes, the vacuole ect. all tick and tock for the purpose of the life of a single leaf, absolutely everything else in this world, and perhaps the universe. As one finds himself in nature, (everyone should at some point in their lives find themselves in nature) intaking the subjects of the earth, whatever they may be, will he recognize the importance of it all? Will he see not just the colors of the element, but the infinite parts that make up the whole? Will he appreciate what he cannot see, as it is capable of being beautiful just the same as what he can? perhaps it is too much to ask, too heavy a concept for a simple mind, but if everyone could see the beauty I see... if everyone could lose but just one breath in awe of the details of the world one time, they would understand. They would believe in the things they cannot see, and feel the things they cannot touch. They would know there is a God, and account for the wonders he created if only it be a blade of grass. Life of the universe is full of detail, fleeting but ceaseless, wonderful, and dependent on every single speck.

If I Were...

If I were a star I would be a shooting one
If I were a planet I would be jupiter
If I were the weather I would be a thunderstorm
If I were continent I would be north america
If I were a state I would california
If I were a tree I would be a weeping willow
If I were a fruit I would be a strawberry
If I were a color I would be green
If I were a song I would be Forever Young
If I were a mood I would be happy
If I were an emotion I would be love
If I were a noise I would be laughter
If I were a flower I would be orange kush
If I were a direction I would be left
If I were a shape I would be a circle
If I were a season I would be summer
If I were an animal I would be a squirrel
If I were a hobby I would be painting
If I were a person I would be Heather Lusk :]

Shades of Green

We were children once upon a time, running through valleys of purple flowers and bright blue skies
We were painters not so long ago and together we discovered the art of love
What we are now; what we have become is the result of emotional decisions, and the lack thereof
Grass stains are on my sheets tonight
I found comfort dreaming next to many shades of green.
Nothing could have kept us children, but as my innocence slipped through your fingers and fell to the earth,
I knew I was growing older.
I still find you in memories, the boy I knew rolled down a grass hill until his heart was still, so I buried his bones in my head.
Vibrance fades with every wash, but these blue eyes are wonderful to watch it happen through.
And one day, I too will become silent... and no one will keep my hollowed remains,
But I will tell our story in the sheets marked with  shades of green, and blood stains.