The Meaning Of My Life:

• Good friends
• Family
• A smell that takes me back
• The light of campfire embers
• That special feeling
• That one night
• The view from the top
• Getting lost
• Getting found

Camping

There are few better things in this world than the wind in the trees of some forest in New Mexico. Cuddled up in my poncho, drinking whiskey, laughing real laughter, breathing into my lungs the air of the mountains. Pure. Clean. And untouched by the reality I will have to return to.

The Meadow

I went to a meadow once
And within it found a fallen tree.
I went to a meadow once
And within it found a fallen me.

Surprises

A kiss from a stranger, a few days ago
In a place I now wish to be.
Another chapter, another twist
For a page in the book
Of my fantasy.

Foam and Waves

Oh sweet heaven
Stars aligned
For two souls so intertwined
As to live so pleasant and free
Mere foam and waves atop the sea.

Motionless

The burdens I bear, I call by name
Embellished in loss
Clothed in shame:
Lust
Addiction
Anger
Despair
Eyes wide open to the future
But with an empty stare.
The life I lead reaps self perpetuating pain
I've strayed so far from whence I came
A slave I am and shall remain.

My afternoons are an empty bottomless pit.

Early morning
5 a m
Feel her coming
She's here again.

She came to say hello
You came to ask why
She came in bright yellow
You came in goodbye

She wants to know
What its like
To hate yourself
Before you fall asleep at night.

She wants to know
What its like
To live amongst the rest
And feel so alone.

She wants to know
What is it like?

And at some point
You will have to answer her.
You will bare it all

You will have to tell her
Why you hate yourself before you fall asleep at night
And why you are so alone
And why you cant stop.

Why you cant stop
Why you cant stop
Why you cant stop
Why cant you stop
Why cant you stop
Why cant you just fucking stop?

In dreams

I was running out of a house, in a panic. And then I stopped abruptly, as my feet became stone. I reached out to the young man running next to me and he too was turning, yet he wa unafraid. The stone crept fast and silently and I watched myself as the expression of terror became permanently etched upon my face. I fought it. It was so vivid I could even see the stone crumble as I batted my lashes and some fell to the ground. The struggle was in vain however and my eyes were the last to turn. Then I woke up. Terror still etched on my face.

Tonight tonight

God damnit. I'm so lonely.