The moonlit path

When you walk that moonlit path
Will you retreat from the dark?
Or never come back?

Beauty

"Beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.
But you are life and you are the veil.
Beauty is an eternity gazing at itself in the mirror.
But you are eternity and you are the mirror."
-The Prophet

THIS is why I write:

To relive the joy
To ease the pain
To materialize the thought
To find the spark
To light the flame
To fire my heart
To feel alive
To feel at all
To scream my diary
To answer my call
To talk to God
To speak the truth
To capture the moments of my youth
To let it go
To keep hanging on
To find some right in all the wrong
I do NOT write to censor or to please
I write for me and only me, no matter how beautiful or ugly it may be.
Toning it down I will never do, I will lose control today tomorrow and the days after them too.

art as of late

Won't you come with me?

"I am going out into
Going out into
The sweet unknown."
-Heartless Bastards

20

I am 20 and tired.
Most days I go to work wishing to be fired.
I thought by now I'd have it all, thought life would be exciting, thought the world would be small.
But everyday I open my eyes to the clock
And wish I were someplace else.
I know about enjoying the now...
And I do. Really I do.
I know that I'm still young and need to stay in school and stay grounded an keep my jobs and not spend so much money and find a guy who wears suitesandput makeupon andiknowthis I knowthis but it can feel so wrong.
Can't help but think that now is the time for the appalacian trail
By the time I have the money I'll be too frail my zest may fail..
I want Hawaii while I've got this body
Not when I retire, not when the color has left my cheeks.
What if the Georgia peach doesn't taste as sweet after years of wanting air beneath my feet?
I want to start a revival so that I may be revived.
I wish not to be 20 and tired,
But 20 and alive.

Refresh, re-energize, re-do. My new beginning documented.

This is not a new years resolution, though a resolution it may be. Lately life has been, dull to say the least. I am no longer connected with myself. Who am I? Who was I born to be? Who do I want to become? I am no longer in tune with God... How did it all happen? Over the course of this year I've focused on lesser things in life, kept myself preoccupied with daily to do's and I am feeling so unbalanced now, my yin is off, my yang is gone. Peace, has not come to comfort me in a while, my happiness, that is so unfailing seems to be less. It's still there yes, but in a duller, more muted form.
So I began a few weeks ago, thinking back to times when I felt balanced... When I was one with God. Yes. When I ate healthier. Yes. When I didn't smoke so much pot. Yes. When I wrote poetry. Yes! When I cared about how I spent my money. Yes. When I did yoga. Yes. When I said yes more than I said no. Yes!!
I'm really tired of the up and down. I want to get back on board with who I am again, an this time not be so easily thrown off. For when the waves of dillision hit me hard, I want to hit them back. I want to ride the tide. I want to be the commander of the sea.
Retrospect. It is a beautiful thing.
So this leaves me here, in the now. The beginning of the road. It's mid august, today is nothing special unless I make it something special. Today I start my journey on The road to spiritual, emotional, physical, financial, and intellectual peace. I am going to focus on regaining my life and happiness back. I am ready to fulfill my mission on this earth, ready to change, and ready to experience life at it's full capacity. I want things to be different from
now on. I dont want to gain everything just to lose it all again... This time i have to move past the bull shit for good, its time to be a woman. I hope I'm strong enough.

More like a woman, less like a child

It was one of those mornings.
The kind that catches you off guard.
The kind that makes you realize that no other morning will ever be the same
After this one.

Because
It was one of those mornings
That you gawked in disbelief at the face in the mirror.
And then realized it was your own.

You are a woman now.

Monday

You woke up late for work,
ran to your car and realized..
Oh no.
You forgot to brush your teeth.
Too bad, the seconds are ticking closer together now.
Shove a piece of gum in your mouth.
You gun it.

The sun glares down and you glare back, and the phone starts ringing.
It keeps on, that incessant tune.
Remember what the chiropractor said about
Clenching the steering wheel not your teeth.
It's that guy your in love with.
Great.
But As round one of the fight commences,
As you press the pad of your foot to that pedal
With more and more violence,
Something makes you stop mid-scream.

There are blue and red lights reflecting in your rear view mirror.
And you know then,
The government is going to screw you too.

The Great Pretender

Only 47 more days until adulthood. It's looming over me like some huge storm cloud in the distance. June 7th I turn 20, officially ending my "teen" years, and I must say I'm not too happy about this. I never thought I'd actually be TWENTY years old. Just like I don't think I'll ever actually be 30, or 50 or anything else than a kid. Until now I've simply pushed the thought out of my head, pretended it would never come. Time would not catch up to me. Last year I was mad about turning 19 because lets face it, 18 IS the perfect age. Your old enough to do adult things, yet young enough to get away with being a stupid, irresponsible kid. By the time 30 rolls around I will want my birthday to go unnoticed COMPLETELY. But I feel that one thing from my childhood will never change, however old I may be, and that is that I will still pretend. When I was a kid I would pretend to be an adult. When I turned 16 I pretended to be 18. At 18 I pretended to be 16. And now, with 47 days until I turn 20, I am pretending that storm cloud will simply blow away, and cease to rain on my charade.